Serene

On Saturday i was reading my textbook... and in that section it was talking about different characters and you may wonder why i am bringing this or even why is this post called serene.
In short one of the personalities is a more autonomous and serene type. i have been working to be a better person and lately i haven't been able to grab a lot of it so i have decided each day to use my eye liner that i don't like and write on my arm. I write from anything that strikes me to give me strength. so here is what i usually write/draw.

I draw or write a nefer. Nefer is an Egyptian symbol it means beautiful, happiness, goodness and kindness.
I also write Emancipated. because i am free, i want to be free from everything the ridicule and that i am me [free and embracing me].

but, When i woke up on Sunday Morning i drew my normal nefer which means so much but on my arm i wrote Serene. So i went through out my day with it on my arm. Saying that i want to be this calm person. Serene means calm, peaceful or tranquil. That's what i had, that's what for that day i was working towards. My mother saw it. Serene -Big on my arm. she would of flipped if it was a tattoo i told her it wasn't that i wrote it and its erasable. she asked me what does it mean i said calm. But this conversation happen all while i was on the phone with my sweetie/friend and he became a little bothered well a lot bothered by it. he asked me a whole bunch of questions "please don't tell me your depressed?" "are you depressed?" "why did you write serene on your arm?" And that's where the conversation began and i told him i look at different words and i love them and sometimes i write them on my arm to give me some strength within that i know i have. I wrote serene because it means calm. And he said "I think that no one can reach being serene, serene is like sedated, serene can only be achieved through drugs that type of personality cant be achieved to be a calm person all the time? that's scary." After talking about it i started to embrace what he said and how i felt. to some extent being serene is a scary thing and it feels like sedation. I am a lively person and i wrote serene because i know that i want to be calmer but that's not in my personality. I am literally a happy going person i thought about it i don't want to be calm. my personality is a light and happy always thinking i don't want to sedate my feelings because i feel like in turn i will not allow myself to go through the struggles that make me who i am.

in this twisted crazy post i just want you to know that certain personalities aren't you. if you are talkative person you cant be the quiet person. you can but you won't be embracing who you are and what your personality is. don't hide from that. i hide from that most of my life. Just be you and someone will love you but first and foremost love yourself.

-Whit.