my emotions

i am currently in the process of having a job.
its weird and amazing to God be the Glory.
but i didn't wake up yesterday in a happiness
and i find something lingering over me every single day
i try to explain it to some of my friends but they don't understand
and when you are alone its hard to work through anything
for me i start to question maybe its just me.
i realized that some wont understand many wont.
but God always do something amazing to remind you that you are just fine.
that's what he's telling me, your behind in work but you are just fine.
you will start work soon and your not ready but your just fine.
you want to cry everyday but young child you are okay.
i am an emotional person.
i try to fight a lot of my feelings but they seem to surface at the wrong times
when i am trying to finish work for class.
i cant keep putting myself through this.
it's my own torture in a box.
here i am blogging but i have work to finish
i am up at 4 am in the morning on the verge of crying while i do my work until the sun
comes up.
yes these all seem dark but its not its my feelings
what i am going through.
I'm trying to embrace all of me.
even the parts i don't agree with.
and this semester i have been dead.
with all these books to read and stuff.
i am not sure where to go.
my mind is crowded with to much and not enough God.
God is calm, soothing, love, structure. and right now i am fighting for all of that.
i am still holding on to something.

But i am alive so the God will work through me.
i Believe that.