So i am at a lost of words, to explain what I am feeling right now. I am not even sure how to begin to verbalize what my heart is doing, what reading something so small did to posture, and what silence ist splurted out of my mouth. Sounds crazy but i love with all of me, and today just a few moments go i realized how bad holding on to the past. For me i love with my heart, with all of me, because i want someone to love me just like that back. I worry to much i care to much, i do, i do all of that, but i just wonder do you ever think about me. I find myself trying to hold on to things that need to be let go. Favorite text messages, favorite voicemails and anything like that has to be let go at one point. I realize that now so i think i will elt all the men that i have held close to my heart go freely now, i dont want to trap them in my mind anymore. because when you dont get back to that point and you never really look forward in open eyes you wont see anything. nothing will be worth seeing. i did that with alot of guys in the past years. i have held on to this hope that we will pick up where we left off. the worst thing is when i see you again, when i read something about you, or facebook the devil uploads something from you. i am the person with the same feelings from months, maybe even years ago while you have moved on. And i held back because i never thought anyone can love me more than or better than you. at one point in time every guy means something to me. I probably thought i wouldnt find anyone who would love me like that, speak to me like that, or treat me like that. Yes, i have some self-esteem issues i am getting better with facing it now. And believe me I know in my heart, that someone will love me better, that i dont need to hold on to the pieces of your heart that you broke off for me, i can hold it in my heart and still love you, but love you in a i love you because at one point i was in love with you. or like you but only because at one point i deeply liked you. i can hold it in my heart still dear, but out of sight. not in my hand, my hands have been overworked by the weight of the men i have loved hearts that i didnt let go of. that i had in hands reached. But i allowed pieces of you to rub off on others when i touched them, and thats not fair, i cant halfway be with someone who is over it. this is not to one guy this is to all the guys. to the one from years ago, to the recent one. its to every guy that after our time i have been overly ready to jump into something back with you because it is safe. i have been playing it safe all my life. forget about it!!!
Loving Myself.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment