6:24am a Tuesday Morning

It's the morning and i am not just waking up, I have been up for the last two hours or so. doing some work, some fooling around. I am debating on whether or not i should take classes this semester coming up. I am currently pulling teeth and I am unsure of how this semester is going to end i have told myself that i wont give up. But i find myself an emotional wreck and currently dettached from my studies, from everything lately. and its not a guy doing this. i never let a guy get me to a point to stop me from my studies, but this is something that pops up ever so often. i find myself wanting to leave my phone at home, turn it off or just ignore it everyday. I am struggling with wanting space and to be alone, but the fact is I live in my mother's house and i until i move out I will probably stay sharing a room with my sister. Dont get me wrong i love my sister, we argue and don't get along sometimes but the fact is she is always going to be there. I know family is important and I agree with that.But as a child i learned to hold my feelings, thoughts and opinions inside and write it down, there is many reasons why i start notebooks and stop. I always knew that someone would be looking over what i write and feel and judging, debating or even argue with me on the things i believe. Sometimes to avoid all of that i dont say much, it happens its not the best thing but i have been use to this ever since i was little and sometimes i break out of that shell. I believe in the last post i told you i was emotional, and I will agree with that statement. I feel alot and I find myself attached to so many things, but for now it has not been school and I do want to talk to someone about it. So i will be honest for once. For Once. I dont turn to my friends at points like this because i have learned that me and many of my friends don't agree or they don't understand. I don't need a lecture on how I feel, or what I do, or why I don't want to attend school some days. I dont need that. Maybe I am just too emotional. but i have found myself wanting to cry everyday and thats just the truth about it. I will get through this point. I just smile and get through my days no one ever knows that i am bothered by anything so it's not to hard. But i will say this much if you know me and is close to you probably never knew thats how i feel right now. With that being said remember that the person you sit next to could be going through something. They could have just come from cutting their wrist, throwing up in the toilet, crying their eyes out and they are sitting right next to you. On the bus, in class at work, they are the customer that gives you the most trouble, they are the ignorant person that walks on the train for attention, the person that you spit on, they could be your bestfriend or even your family member. And my question is What will you do? How will you act?

-Whit.