The Hardest Thing is Fighting, When You Feel like Your Sinking

The most difficult thing about me is my never being able to talk to anyone. For the longest time I have been the person that only backs into talking when I feel it's necessary. I use to talk to everyone but never about what really bothers me just about superficial on important stuff that seems to occupy my mind. I struggle constantly with everything on a daily basis that I seem to forget that there are people here for me when I wake up. When I feel like this but it seems as if the fight that I am fighting is alone. I don't want to be overly emotional like I have been known to be all my life. I have ran so much away from all these elements that make me, well me, that I find myself hiding my true identity, on a daily basis. Running from me, and that's all I want to do is get comfortable with the skin I am in, the life I built. In short I want to be okay with everything. My fears seem to always attack me when I am alone, when my mind has the time to wonder. It manifest on the feelings instead of the problems, the confusion state that I am in I can't stay in. I have decided to actually do what I have to do, I don't want to become another robot for society but I will do such, go to work on time, put responsibilities back in my life. I am perfectly fine with everyone else being with people I am happy. But the fact is I am not happy with myself and that's a big problem. How do you fight off all of the negativity that you are used to hearing about yourself all your life? How do you keep the fight if you only want to crawl in a ball and cry all night? You may think that I am tripping that or this has nothing to do with you. But it has everything to do with you. Your attitude the things you say are put into the world and it affects everyone directly or indirectly. We have so much power but we always seem to put ourselves at a lower level. Never allowing ourselves to be more than what people see us as. Well most people of this generation believe that people are disposable, that feelings are disposable, with thoughts like that, feelings like that how can people prove themselves or make themselves more than that. Instead of teaching our children how to be better, how to love themselves unconditionally, we are teaching them the newest songs, having little kids saying "O Lets Do It," "Apple bottom Jeans Boots with the furs," all of this nonsense that in return aren't making our children any better than the Generation before. And we wonder why kids have no respect, it's because they have yet to be taught how to love themselves. These kids parents are too busy being young themselves that they don't even realize how they are affecting their children. People wonder why I have so much animosity towards people, why do I say that "I hate people" why can't smile all the time, I feel like this world doesn't care about anyone and it's not that I am one of those talkers "oh these kids are bad…. Someone need to teach them something," I actually want to be one of the blessed people to try to make a positive change, I just don't know where to start, and I want to start somewhere, I want to make changes, make programs. But how can you do this all alone? It seems like no one wants to make changes in themselves so that we can all together change the world that we sleep in. this is mainly the things that pass my mind, I mean I do have guy problems, I mean I like a guy who is unavailable but my heart can't stop liking the person that it wants to, no matter what my brain tells it. The things are difficult, I can't explain all the feelings that I am taking in as I write all of this, but I know as I am writing this I am getting better. So I know that my words if you read this or not, is helping me, so I guess that's all that really matters, I hope at this point with me about to end this post off, that you are in some type of better mood. I am, and I know how blogs and all of that have the ability to attack you. That's not my purpose, just putting thoughts out there just in case you do read this. You can know that despite all the controversy and anything that you are going through, you have power in your words and your silence.

So choose!

Which one would you rather be known for?

-Whit